The Disconnect

Photo by Elani Garfield 

It is the same struggle each trip: about a month before I depart for a new place, I start to disconnect. 

I get emotional easily. I cry a lot. I need more time alone. I am irritable, exhausted, and all peopled-out. This is layered with a desire to soak up every minute I can with dear friends and family who I am sure to miss, and to enjoy the current season's activities. It is overwhelming. I am aware that others encounter this too... a cocoon effect before travel. Always, upon arrival it dissipates, and I can re-emerge as a healthy, sane person, but it is a traumatic process. 

Part of this stems from my nature- I am very loyal: to my hometown, to my history, to my family, to my friends, to the land of my birth... but due to my calling and career I am forced to operate outside of that formula. Each of us must sacrifice something for our calling. I was reminded of this the other day when talking to my cousin who has lived most of her life in Sub-Saharan Africa. We crave and treasure time with our family... but we have had to sacrifice that for something bigger. Often, we look at another person and envy what they have- unaware of what they have given up. I think of this often. I hear daily how others wish they could live in Paris like me, or have my career... unaware that I have had to sacrifice my dearest treasures for the sake of doing what I was created to do. My self-awareness allows no compromises... I am forced to press on towards my goals... but I have given up much in the process. 

All of these things are rolling around in my mind as I prepare for another season in Paris. This time my return is indefinite... I don't really know when or if I will be returning to the United States with the exception of summertime visits. Much to ponder. 

Jonathan Randall Grant  //  Culture Keeper

Four Meaningful Ways to Discuss Controversial Topics

Photo by Jill Devries

Because this keeps coming up:

+ Ask Questions. The more controversial the topic, the more questions you should be asking. Seriously. Stop talking. Listen. Find out what others think / feel / believe… and then find out why. Plus, questions get more engagement than statements, both in person and on social media. 

+ Know the issue has always been, and forever more will be far more complex than you know. That’s it. Before you post passionately on Facebook about a topic (ANY TOPIC, especially political) include the caveat that you acknowledge the issue to be broader that you realize, with details you will never grasp. This prevents you from looking like an asshole. Even if you know yourself to be an expert in a particular field, even if you are SURE about something that is ABSOLUTE… the fact is you are not. This is not about being relativistic… this is about humility. You are denying the existence of truth in your opponent’s argument, and your pride looks poor on you. Actually, this is a traditional tactic in debate… find the weakness in your own argument, and openly acknowledge it without apology or reservation. Find truth in the converse of your belief.

+ Give up the “Right” to be right. This is about humility again. Winning a facebook (or in-person) argument gets you nothing. In fact, it does the opposite of making you look like a good or sane person. By accepting defeat… by letting others be correct… and by assuming them to be so before they even speak- you honor them, and honor yourself. Pride can be more dehumanizing than racism… and far more complicated to dismantle. Humility is the only thing that can confront the great evils of our world… because at its root, it is the only habitat in which evil cannot thrive. 

+ Affirm, Affirm, Affirm. in Facebook discussions I distribute smiley-faces and hearts like a highly caffeinated kindergarten teacher. My plan: anything I remotely agree with… even the smallest glimmer of light in the most verbose and offensive diatribe gets affirmation. If we are going to be in the bridge-building business we have to build everyone up. Humility is difficult to muster if one feels attacked. Build a dialogue of respect by actually respecting everyone. Every view, regardless of its content (or the amount of accuracy contained therein) represents a worldview, and a living, breathing person. I also like to assume that hatred and anger are born out of pain… this allows me the chance to lend my most generous ear to a troublesome combatant. 

Do I have to say “be nice”? Should I add that one should also be well-read? Those help too. Do you have other ideas that help you discuss controversial topics in meaningful ways? I would love to hear them! (see what I did there?) 

Jonathan Randall Grant